


one night as i closed my eyes, i saw a shadow flying high

by yongz



Series: space boys [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Space, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Astronauts, College, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Loneliness, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Non-Linear Narrative, Outer Space, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, im sorry idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 16:35:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20195326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yongz/pseuds/yongz
Summary: "Do you think there's life out there?" Mark asks, turning to face Donghyuck"I don't know," Donghyuck answers truthfully. "It's certainly possible.""Would you ever want to go into space?" Donghyuck is silent. Not waiting for an answer, Mark continues, "It would be nice, wouldn't it? Moving to another planet." Mark picks at the edge of his sweater. "Starting over." Donghyuck didn't answer, waiting for him to continue. Mark sighs, sitting up. "I just, I don't know. There wouldn't be the things you've done in the past. It'd be... Clean. Brand new."“And leave me behind?” Donghyuck half teases. His tone might be light, but internally his mind is whirling. Would he really? Just up and fly away into the sky, never to look back? Donghyuck supposed he could understand the appeal of it. To explore the unknown, and all that Star Trek frontier shit.But then Mark smiles, and Donghyuck believes him. “No,” he says. “Never.” And Mark reaches out and intertwines his hand with his own, and he believes it’s all going to be okay.Or:Mark really likes space, and Donghyuck is sad.





	one night as i closed my eyes, i saw a shadow flying high

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i hope yall enjoy this, i worked hard on it  
also, i really like this format so i hope u dont mind  
my first time writing markhyuck, so i apologize if it doesnt fit with ur image of them?  
but i think it's not bad

I.

The beginning of the end arrives on a humid, July night. They’re standing on the rooftop of their apartment building, just like they do every other weekend night. It's tradition, you see. Mark had always had a passion for space, and the stars, and Donghyuck loved Mark, so here they would be. Looking up at the sky, Mark pointing out and naming various constellations and stars while Donghyuck would listen eagerly. But today feels different. Something's changed inside Mark's heart. Donghyuck can feel it. Mark has always talked about the stars, and going beyond them. So Donghyuck should've known.

"Do you think there's life out there?" Mark asks, turning to face Donghyuck

"I don't know," Donghyuck answers truthfully. "It's certainly possible."

"Would you ever want to go into space?" Donghyuck is silent. Not waiting for an answer, Mark continues, "It would be nice, wouldn't it? Moving to another planet." Mark picks at the edge of his sweater. "Starting over." Donghyuck didn't answer, waiting for him to continue. Mark sighs, sitting up. "I just, I don't know. There wouldn't be the things you've done in the past. It'd be... Clean. Brand new."

“And leave me behind?” Donghyuck half teases. His tone might be light, but internally his mind is whirling. Would he really? Just up and fly away into the sky, never to look back? Donghyuck supposed he could understand the appeal of it. To explore the unknown, and all that Star Trek frontier shit.

But then Mark smiles, and Donghyuck believes him. “No,” he says. “Never.” And Mark reaches out and intertwines his hand with his own, and he believes it’s all going to be okay.

II.

Two months pass. Mark doesn’t make any more mentions of the sky, or the stars and what might be beyond. But Donghyuck knows. He catches him sometimes, outside on their balcony at night, just looking up at the sky. There’s something in his eyes, something sad, but also hopeful. It makes Donghyuck turn away from the sky and face the ground.

He never confronts Mark about his late-night balcony escapades, and Mark never brings it up.

III.

You see, Donghyuck used to love the sky too. It was one of the first topics they discussed on one of their first dates.

"What do you think of the sky?" Mark had asked.

"The sky?" Donghyuck repeated, surprised. What a conversation opener. "Uh, I like it I guess."

"You do?" Mark's eyes sparkled. Quite literally, and Donghyuck was enchanted. "I, uh," he scratched the back of his neck. "I really like the sky," Mark had said, all quiet and cute boyish shyness.

"Well," Donghyuck had said, leaning forward. "Tell me about it then." And Mark's eyes lit up like Donghyuck had just presented him with the world.

Somedays he stood outside on their balcony too, looking up at the sky. Only ever during day time though, when the stars are hidden from sight. Donghyuck asks the sky questions. Are you going to take him too? Are you going to steal him away from me? The sky never answers, of course. But Donghyuck thinks he knows what it would say if it could.

IV.

A pamphlet for the new SM Labs space program arrives in the mail. Donghyuck almost considers throwing it out. _He would never know_, says the voice inside his head. You could keep him all to yourself, it says. Donghyuck flips open the pamphlet instead. It's an application type form. _It's not guaranteed_, another voice says. _Maybe he wouldn't get it_. But Donghyuck knows better. Mark's smart, astoundingly so. There's no way he wouldn't get it.

He takes the pamphlet back to the apartment with him and leaves it on the dining room table. This was his first mistake. Maybe Mark won't mention it, he thinks. _Stupid_, says the voice. _Of course he won't_. Of course. Mark isn't selfish. He knows Donghyuck, and knows the things that Donghyuck fears and would rather edge on the side of cautious. Which is why Donghyuck has to give him express permission.

So when Mark emerges from the bedroom, looking sleep ruffled and as adorable as ever, Donghyuck slides him the pamphlet. Mark just stares at it, still bleary from waking up.

"Read it," Donghyuck says. Mark takes it, and starts reading. Donghyuck, in the meantime, mills around preparing breakfast items for him. He passes Mark a bowl of cereal to eat while he reads. Mark takes it, and continues reading. The only sound in the apartment is his crunching, and the ticking of the clock in the hallway. It feels like a countdown.

"You should apply," Donghyuck says. Mark looks up from the pamphlet, startled.

"Really?" Mark says. Donghyuck can tell he's trying oh so hard to keep his voice neutral, but he was never a good liar. The edges of his tone give him away, and Donghyuck was always a fool for Mark. He could never have said no. Not when his voice is so hopeful, not when he's looking at Donghyuck like that. Never.

"Of course," Donghyuck says, and reaches across the table to take Mark's hand. "It's your dream, isn't it?" Mark's face immediately brightens, and he starts going on and on about physics and the properties of space ships, and Donghyuck sits and watches with a smile on his face.

V.

Mark applies. And they wait.

The pamphlet estimated that they would take about ten people. The program would last for five to ten years, depending on the results of the missions. The article's vague wording does nothing to reassure Donghyuck's worries that it might trend towards the ten years end rather than the five years end. Five years is a long time. Ten years is even longer. Enough for you to forget something, or someone.

At night, Donghyuck rereads the pamphlet in the living room. He researches and researches more about it, about what they'd be doing, where they'd be going. How far, how long, how much. How much are they going to take from him?

VI.

Mark gets the spot. Of course he does, he's brilliant. He comes home one day, elated beyond belief.

"Donghyuck!" He screams, running towards him at full speed. "I got it I got I got it!" He chants over and over again. Mark's body collides with Donghyuck's and he can't tell if it's the impact that slams all the breath out of his body or the realization of what's to come.

"That's," Donghyuck pants, "great!"

"I know!" Mark says, letting go of him. "I just, can't believe, like—"

Donghyuck bites his lip. His face must betray something, as Mark steps back and sighs. "I'll come back," he promises. And Donghyuck believes him, because he is hopeful. Or delusional, clinging to the remains of a promise and a relationship that long disintegrated.

"I love you," Donghyuck says instead. Mark presses a tender kiss to his cheek and murmurs the words back.

VII.

That night, Donghyuck lies awake in bed, while Mark sleeps besides him. It was a foolish thought, to think that he could make Mark stay, when he was already gone.

VIII.

The next day they bicker over what clothes Mark's going to pack. It's a strange jolt of normalcy. If Donghyuck ignores the suitcase, it feels like everything is okay. Except it's not, and Mark is leaving him for the sky and the stars.

IX.

So Mark leaves. He flies into the sky, like he always dreamed he would, and Donghyuck feels nothing but bitter resentment. He should be proud, be happy even. Elated that his boyfriend achieved his life goal. He should be cheerily waving him off, waving his handkerchief in the air or something. Like the girlfriends in the old war photos of the soldiers who were sent off to die.

X.

He could never tether him down. Some people aren’t made to stay, he supposed. Or maybe it was Donghyuck who wasn't enough. Never enough to make Mark stay on his own.

XI.

Mark calls a few days later. It's silly, but Donghyuck was surprised. He had thought Mark would barely have time to breathe, let alone think about calling _him_.

"How is it up there, space boy?" Donghyuck asks, smiling. The camera quality isn't amazing, but Donghyuck will take whatever he can get. He is calling from space, after all.

Mark grins back at him, all cheeks and dimples. "Amazing," he says, and Donghyuck doesn't know how he can pack so much emotion into one simple word. Mark sometimes gets this tone in his voice when he's talking about things he's passionate about or whenever he's really happy. Right now he sounds like that, but ten times more amplified. And that's all Donghyuck needs to know.

(Mark is still talking, about some other scientist up there named Taeyong with pink hair, and then about someone called Doyoung. Donghyuck is glad he's made friends.)

XII.

Mark continues calling every few days or so. He keeps Donghyuck updated with the things they're doing. Where they are, which doesn't mean much to Donghyuck, as he's on Earth and Mark is somewhere _out there_. But nonetheless, Donghyuck googles some of the coordinates Mark's listed, and stares at the numbers that represent just how far away Mark is from him.

It's warms him, really. To know that Mark still thinks of him up there.

XIII.

It's almost been a year after Mark left now. His calls come less frequently, but they still come. Mark looks tired when he calls. Like a lamp burning on too little fuel. It makes Donghyuck ache to fly up there and smooth away the creases on his forehead and make him tea or something. But he can't. So all he does is tell Mark that he loves him through his shitty quality laptop camera. And Mark will smile at him, even through all the stress and worries he probably has and tell him he loves him too, and that he'll be home before he knows it.

Tonight, when Mark calls him he looks worse. The dark bags under his eyes seem to have become permanent and his hair is a mess. His dark roots are starting to grow back in. By the end of the trip he'll probably have dark brown hair again, unless they sell bleach at alien shops in space.

"Hey," Mark rasps, rubbing blearily at his eyes.

"Hey," Donghyuck says back. Normally, he would laugh at Mark's disarrayed appearance and poke fun at how his hair is sticking up at all angles. But this isn't normal. Normally, he could hold Mark and ruffle his hair even more, and tell him how stupid he looks. There's only so much he can convey through a screen.

As usual, Mark tells him about his day, and how the mission has been going. Mark describes a planet they passed a bit ago, how colorful it was and unlike anything he could've imagined. Instinctively, Donghyuck laughs and tells him it's because of his "limited brain space."

Mark laughs along with him. "I bet you could've come up with it," he says, and before Donghyuck can butt in, he continues, "You're amazing, Hyuck. Don't doubt yourself."

They lapse into silence. "You should..." Donghyuck fiddles with his hands, avoiding Mark's gaze. "Focus on the missions," Donghyuck says. This is his second mistake. "I don't want you running yourself ragged just to call me."

"But—" Mark protests.

"No buts," Donghyuck says. "Can't have you falling asleep at the controls can we? Then you might crash," he jokes. Mark laughs weakly along. They both know it's only a half joke.

"Be safe," Donghyuck whispers, before they disconnect.

"I will," Mark promises. It seems like he's made an awful lot of those recently. "Love you," Mark says, but the call cuts before Donghyuck can say it back.

XIV.

Life without Mark is startlingly alike to life with Mark. The trains still run, Donghyuck goes to the cafe and takes orders, the sun rises and sets. Nothing revolutionary changes, except for the fact that the bed is now empty at night and there's no one to talk to in the apartment. Sometimes he turns around to show Mark something, or thinks of a funny joke to tell but there's no one around to hear it.

XV.

Things are divided into "before Mark left" and "after Mark left" now. Before-Mark-Left Donghyuck would go out with his friends more. After-Mark-Left Donghyuck was tired, and stayed in more often than not to order Chinese food and look at photos of Mark on his phone.

Maybe he should stop referring to Mark as having "left." After all, he was still coming back.

XVI.

Today is the two year anniversary after Mark's departure. He still hasn't called again after Donghyuck told him not to, which he supposes he can't blame Mark for. He did pretty much tell him to not call so frequently. He's probably just extremely busy.

The thought doesn't help to lessen nagging void growing inside of him.

XVII.

Jeno and Jaemin 'invited' him out one day. Invite should be taken with a grain of salt, as from the way they phrased it, it wasn't really a choice for him.

They cornered him while he was on his shift the cafe.

"Donghyuck!" Jaemin said cheerfully. "We haven't seen you in so long," he said with a pout.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I've been busy." It was a half lie. Most of the time he was re-watching old videos of him and Mark or sulking about in the apartment. Donghyuck considered that "busy."

"Really?" Jeno said. "With what?"

Donghyuck shrugged. "Things, you know." Jaemin sighed and heaved his shoulders.

"We just want to help you, you know. It's not good, you're drawing in on yourself. And..." He looked away. "We're worried about you, okay?"

"Besides, it might be fun to get out of your head for one day, right?" Jeno said.

Donghyuck sighed. No way he was getting out of this. "Alright," he concedes.

XVIII.

Donghyuck met Jeno and Jaemin in college. Jeno was his assigned roommate, and Jaemin just happened to be there while Donghyuck was moving in.

"Hi!" Jeno had said, sticking out a hand. "I'm Jeno, your roommate. This is Jaemin, he's my boyfriend."

Donghyuck shook his hand. "I'm Donghyuck."

Jeno and Jaemin turned out to be a package deal. He rarely saw Jeno without Jaemin, and Jaemin was more often in their shared dorm than his own. Not that Donghyuck minded. It was nice, having them around.

One day it wasn't Jaemin who was in the dorm though. Donghyuck had opened the door, expecting Jeno and Jaemin to be there as their classes finished one period before his, but to his surprise neither were there. Donghyuck has simply shrugged and went around to fix himself something to snack on when a blonde boy walked out of their bathroom.

Donghyuck shrieked and promptly dropped all his chips.

"Oh my god," the boy said, "I'm so sorry." He kneeled over and started picking up the chips on the floor.

Frozen, Donghyuck said, "Who are you?"

"Oh!" He stood up and dusted himself off. "Sorry, I'm Mark. I'm one of Jaemin's friends."

"Ah," Donghyuck said. He glanced at the floor, dismayed at the loss of his chips. Mark followed his line of sight and sighed.

"Erm," he said. "I'm really sorry. I probably should've said something, but Jaemin said you'd be cool."

Donghyuck flushed. He was cool. Totally cool. "I am," he said. It came out with more force than he intended. "I don't mind."

"Ok," Mark said, shifting from foot to foot. Mark looked like he wanted to say something more but he didn't get the chance as Jeno and Jaemin barged in, banging the door.

"Donghyuck!" Jaemin said, grinning. "Mark! So glad you came." He glanced between the two of them. "I see you've already met."

XIX.

"We've missed you, you know" Jeno says.

Donghyuck bites his lip. "I'm sorry," he says, and it's the truth. He feels bad for ignoring them. They're such good friends, to even persist when he's doing his most to shut them out.

"I know it must be... Hard for you," Jaemin says sympathetically. "We miss him too you know." _Selfish_, Donghyuck thinks bitterly. Donghyuck hadn't even thought of them, being too involved in wallowing in his own misery. Jeno and Jaemin were also Mark's close friends. Renjun too, but he was always more Mark's friend than Donghyuck's.

Jeno seems to read his mind and reaches out a hand. "Hey," he says. "We're not doing this to try and make you feel guilty."

"We're _your_ friends as well as Mark's, you know that right?" Jaemin says, and Donghyuck feels his throat swell up. His eyes burn, but he's saved by the appearance of the waiter coming to take their order.

The rest of the dinner passes smoothly, with no more mention of Mark or Donghyuck's well being or lack of, rather. It was nice, almost, to pretend that everything was normal.

XX.

He sighs and tosses his keys onto the table beside the doorway. There's a bowl on it, which Donghyuck misses by a mile but he doesn't really care. The dark quiet of the apartment greets him. After two years, the emptiness of the apartment doesn't grow any stranger. He's used to it being _his and Mark's _place, or _Mark and I_... He supposes he turned into Jaemin and Jeno at some point. Always sticking himself onto Mark, never apart.

Except for now. And at the end of the day, that's all there is, isn't there? It's just Donghyuck, and the empty rooms of the house.

In the hall, the clock ticks furiously onwards.

XXI.

At some point during his sophomore year, the two-package deal became a four-package deal. And somehow Donghyuck's room with Jeno became a hub for Jaemin, Renjun, who was Mark's roommate, and Mark.

"Come up to the roof with me?" Mark had asked one day, while it was just the two of them in the dorm. A rare opportunity.

Donghyuck snorted. "Isn't it locked?"

Mark smiled mischievously. "I have my ways," he said. "But do you want to come?" Mark extended a hand, and Donghyuck took it.

"Of course," he said. Like he'd refuse such an invitation. Not that Mark needed to know that.

It became a thing between them. Some days Mark didn't even have to ask he'd just look at him and Donghyuck would _know_. They'd race up the stairs to the art building roof, giggling like children and clutching each other's hands. And then when they'd climb up the fire escape and haul themselves over the edge of the roof they'd lay there on their backs, breathless. Mark would look over at Donghyuck like he held they key to his heart, and _smile_, the way that made Donghyuck lose his breath. Luckily it was easily covered up by the excuse of exertion, by which Mark would tease him for being out of shape, and then Donghyuck would chase him around the rooftop while the sun set in the distance, dusting them in a warm yellow glow.

Jeno and Jaemin never joined them. It was a 'Mark and Donghyuck' thing. It was something just between them and the sky and the stars.

XXII.

Even in college, they all had their issues. More than a few times, their Saturday nights in turned into group therapy sessions that often ended in them all crying together and curled around each other, like human puzzle pieces. They ended up calling it the "Circle." They'd sit around the living room area, and go around talking about the shitty things that happened to them and then everyone else would comfort them and occasionally talk them through whatever mental issues they needed or wanted help with. There were rules, of course. No pushing to talk, no apologizing unnecessarily, don't interrupt, and most importantly: don't share anything with people outside the Circle unless given explicit permission. Generally, don't be an ass.

XXIII.

Everybody knew about Donghyuck's abandonment issues, after his mother left him to die in the cold. Which honestly? was fine. He got a great foster family who he loves with all his being and couldn't ask for better parents. His OG mom just sounded like an ass. But nonetheless, his friends smile and make sure to tell him they'll be with him forever. It made Donghyuck feel something small and fuzzy inside.

Jeno, for all his happy appearances, suffered from seasonal depression. Jaemin was afraid of being alone, so it was no surprise that Jeno hardly left his side. Renjun was dealing with some kind of internal homophobia, leftover from shitty parents who were too far up their asses to see past stereotypes and cruel names. And everyone had some insecurities about themselves.

And Mark... well nobody really knew, honestly. He just, didn't talk about it. Ever. Sometimes Donghyuck would glance over during their sob nights and catch a glimpse of _something _in Mark's eyes. If he had to name it, it would be a dark mix between sadness and anger.

Even if he did talk, it'd be very vague. Never enough details to know what exactly happened. But those nights were their safe spaces. No one would push more than anyone wanted to give.

XXIV.

One night, from across the couch, Donghyuck caught Jeno intertwining his hand with Renjun's. Jeno had eyed him, and held up a finger to his lips. Donghyuck nodded ever so slightly, and that was that.

XXV.

Donghyuck chased Mark down one night, after Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun fell asleep in a big pile in the living area. Mark had fled to the bathroom, excusing himself to go wash up. Donghyuck followed after, silently shadowing him. He leaned against the doorframe. "Mark," he had said, softly enough not to wake their sleeping roommates the next room over.

Mark looked up from the sink. Donghyuck noted the dark bags beneath his eyes. He looked _tired_. "Hey," Mark had replied, sighing.

Donghyuck snorted. "Hey yourself," he lightly punched Mark's arm. "You look awful."

"Thanks," Mark said, laughing but it had a strange edge to it. He sounded, shaken, somehow.

"You wanna," Donghyuck scuffed the bathroom tile with his foot. "Talk about it maybe?"

Mark sat down on the edge of the bathtub, across from where Donghyuck stood by the toilet. How odd, to have this conversation in a bathroom. The bright white of the singular light bulb only barely illuminated their two faces, leaving the rest of the room in a mild darkness. Donghyuck slowly sat on the toilet lid, watching Mark, who had yet to respond. "Mark?" He said tentatively.

Mark shook his head. "I'm—I'm sorry," he said. "I—"

"Don't apologize," Donghyuck said sharply. "First rule of the Circle, no apologies unless you're being an ass." Mark laughed half-heartedly.

"Right," Mark said. "We're a little short on Circle members though."

Donghyuck shrugged. "So? This can be our own circle." And then Mark stared at him like he gave him the world.

XXVI.

When Mark was six years old, there was a girl in his neighborhood he liked. Her name was Annie, and she wore twin braids every day. Unfortunately, like every cheesy straight romance movie, Annie liked another boy. But get this: Annie's a goody two-shoes. So Mark hatched a plan. He went and planted the dead bodies of some squirrels and birds in a secluded area of the playground, and went and told the teacher this other boy did it. The boy got suspended for "violent behavior" and Annie stopped talking to him altogether.

And Mark didn't feel an ounce of regret.

Things got out of hand when the boy confronted Mark and accused him of lying and pinning the death of the animals on him. It ended in a minor fist fight, both parties coming away with a few bruises and scrapes and matching suspensions. Mark's parents moved to a new town, eager to get away from the suspicious eyes and lowered voices and whispers. So they drove, many miles from their hometown. During the trip there, Mark got a lecture on lying.

XXVII.

New town. New beginnings. This time, however, it's a boy. Mark's never considered himself or boys that way. He's young, and he's scared. Scared of more whispers, scared of what his parents would say, scared of what his friends would say. So naturally, he bottles it up. Ignores it, and hopes it'll go away by itself.

Of course, that never works. One day one of Mark's friends notice him repeatedly staring at the boy and ask him why he's so interested in him. Shocked that he's been caught, Mark stutters out a reply denying it. Next to him, the boy giggles.

"Do you have a crush me?" The boy asks.

"No," Mark replies all too quickly, heart racing. "I'm not _gay_," he spits out. The boy is hurt, but he looks at Mark with sympathy, and tells him he hopes one day he can find himself.

In the end, Mark ends up hurting himself more than the boy, and runs home in tears. He locks himself into his bedroom and prays for forgiveness.

XXVIII.

A few years later, Mark opens his laptop and searches online for resources about LGBT people, history, culture, anything he can find, and _reads_. He reads, and reads, until his eyes hurt from the strain and his parents are knocking on his door to yell at him to go to sleep. Afterwards, Mark tracks down the boy and apologizes. The boy is happy to hear that Mark has figured himself out, and gladly gives Mark his number. Mark keeps his number as a friend, and goes and signs himself up for the local LGBT club.

XXIX.

Mark is fifteen when he moved to Korea. New school, new country, new slate. Mark swore to himself that he would be better. Try again. So he was enrolled in a private school, and found himself in a similar situation. New town, new school, new crush. This time, it was a girl named Meghan. Like Mark, she had moved to Korea from an English-speaking country. Mark genuinely enjoyed spending time with her, she was funny, bright, and Mark could make jokes in English that most of his Korean classmates wouldn't get.

At some point, he changed his mind. He treasured his friendship with Meghan above everything. And somehow, his puppy crush had evaporated. Mark seemed to have impeccable timing, as the next day Meghan came to him one day, and confessed that she had liked him for quite some time. Mark had only managed to stare at her, surprised, before apologizing and telling her he didn't feel the same way. Meghan told him she could wait for him. Mark froze, and panicked. He told her he'd never see her that way, and that she should move on to somebody better. Meghan's face had crumpled, and she walked away. Later, Mark apologized for being harsh and the two remained friends, but it was never the same.

XXX.

"You see," Mark had said, teary eyed, voice raspy. "That's why nobody should love me. I'll end up hurting them."

_Oh Mark,_ Donghyuck thought, already moving across the bathroom to hold him. "Everyone's made mistakes," Donghyuck had said, rubbing circles on Mark's shoulder as he cried silent tears. "It doesn't matter now."

"How can you say that," Mark said hoarsely, his voice barely above an exhale.

"Because I like you," Donghyuck whispered back. "And you won't hurt me."

XXXI.

"The point," Donghyuck had said, the morning after at the diner down the road, in between bites of pancakes. "Isn't that you made those, albeit, morally questionable choices, but that afterwards you regretted, and made an effort to change yourself for the better." He paused to swallow a chunk of pancakes. "I mean, look at Renjun. He's come so far." And then, lowering his voice. "I even caught him holding hands with Jeno the other night."

"Really?" Mark whispered back. "Wow," he said. "That's great." Renjun was infamous for rejecting even the slightest bit of skin-ship between men. Kind of like how Mark always squealed and ran away, but less of a "get-off-me-dumbass-you're-making-me-blush" more in a self-hatred kind of way that suggested that he himself didn't dislike it, but that it was taught to him as wrong.

"My point is," Donghyuck waved his fork. "That you wouldn't call Renjun a bad person, right? So why would you be? Since you're both people with hard pasts trying to become better."

Mark had chuckled. "And when did you get so wise?"

"Me?" Donghyuck said, pointing incredulously to himself. "I've always been this way." Mark rolled his eyes and reached across the table to smack him. Donghyuck intercepted his hand and laced their fingers together. He winked, and Mark flushed red and wrung his hand out of Donghyuck's, screaming all the while. Around them, other people turned to stare at them, and the man manning the cashier gave them a nasty glare. Donghyuck shushed him, pointedly staring at the cashier-guy.

"I hate you," Mark groaned. Donghyuck gave him sad puppy eyes. And everything was alright.

XXXII.

Donghyuck doesn't know if Mark ever told Renjun, Jaemin, or Jeno about his past. He still never brought it up in the group Circle, and that was fine. It was just another Mark-and-Donghyuck thing.

XXXIII.

A few days later, Mark came up to him, wringing his hands. Donghyuck asked him what he wanted, and internally wondered what was making Mark so nervous. Mark swallowed. "In the bathroom," he said carefully, as if each word took tremendous effort. "you said you liked me."

Donghyuck bit his lip. "Yes," he said. "I did."

"Was that, like in a—"

"Romantic way? Yes," Donghyuck cut him off, tensing up. It felt like the right thing to say at the time, but _now_, with Mark confronting him like he was about to end their whole friendship, Donghyuck wasn't so sure.

The few moments before Mark spoke the best few words of his life were painful. "D-do you want to go on a date then?" Mark stuttered out, cheeks dusting pink. And Donghyuck smiled because _oh my god. Mark Lee likes me back_.

XXXIV.

On their first date, Mark had asked him what he thought of the sky. Which, in reality, was quite a stupid question and Donghyuck almost told him so. Did he really think he'd spend all those nights with Mark looking up at the stars if he hated the sky?

But there was something about the way he asked. He was _nervous_. Donghyuck. Was making _Mark Lee_ nervous.

So when Mark asked him, "What do you think of the sky?"

Donghyuck said: "The sky? Uh, I like it I guess." Under the table, he fiddled with the napkin in his lap while his heart raced. He wondered if Mark felt the same way. Never had it been so hard to make conversation with someone you normally considered your best friend.

"You do?" Mark's eyes shone. Donghyuck felt like he could stare into them for hours. How on Earth could a simple pair of brown eyes hold so much in them? Simple, Donghyuck determined, Mark Lee must not be human. "I, uh," Mark continued jolting Donghyuck out of his thoughts. He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous tick of his. "I really like the sky," Mark had said softly, and Donghyuck almost melted in the chair.

"Well," Donghyuck had said, leaning forward, trying to seem more confident than he felt. "Tell me about it then." And Mark's eyes lit up and Donghyuck was a goner.

III.

Donghyuck meets up with Jeno and Jaemin again right before the four-year mark. Life has passed in pretty much the same fashion. Donghyuck would've met up with them more often, but he didn't really feel up to it most of the time. Sometimes he'd pull out his phone and open up one of their contacts and stare at it, debating whether to text them. Some days he'd even get as far as typing out a simple text such as _Are you free?_ before deleting it and going back to watching TV or, more likely, old videos of him and Mark.

However, he was determined not to completely shut them out, so he set the date and made himself not cancel. _It'd be good for you,_ he told himself. _You're shutting people out and self-isolating, that's not healthy_, he reminded himself. _Then why does it feel so much better? _

This dinner passes much the same way as the last one. At the beginning, they voice their concerns for him, to which Donghyuck waves them off and reassures them that he's fine. And despite their worried looks, they drop the subject. Moving on, they start to tell Donghyuck all about what's been happening in their lives. Donghyuck learns that Jeno's been hired by a local newspaper, and that Jaemin's started apprenticing at a dance studio.

"That's fantastic!" Donghyuck says, meaning it. He's super proud of them. Look at how far they've come, achieving their dreams. _Just like Mark_, he thinks, and quickly shuts that thought up. _What have you been doing?_

"So, what about you?" Jaemin says, smiling, unaware he's almost echoing Donghyuck's own thoughts. What has he been doing? Working. Living. Sulking like a left child.

"I, uh," Donghyuck glances at the floor. "Nothing really interesting?" He almost pulls out the old "excuse-me-I-suddenly-really-have-to-pee" excuse when Jeno, bless him, seems to get the hint and switches the conversation back to talking about them.

"Ah, okay," Jeno says. Beside him, Jaemin shoots him a _look_. Jeno not so discreetly pinches him and forges onwards. "Have you kept up with Renjun lately?"

"Um, not really," Donghyuck admits. Well damn, another failing on his part.

"Oh!" Jeno claps his hands. "Why don't we call him after dinner?"

"Sure," Donghyuck agrees. He did feel bad for not trying to keep in touch. They were his friends. He should at least try to act like they were his.

IV.

"How are you holding up?" Renjun says, the facetime quality blips for a second, the audio crackling on the last word. It reminds him that the last person he facetimed was Mark, and how shitty the camera quality was still. Even on a spaceship worth millions of dollars.

"Eh," Donghyuck fiddles with his hand. "I'm holding," he says. Renjun laughs. "How's the lab internship?" He asks in turn.

Renjun brightens. "It's going great! Today we worked on using the incubators to—" and then he's off on a tangent about these new bacteria reactions he's been learning about. Donghyuck kinda tunes him out, and feels bad about it but hey, he has no fucking clue what stoichiometry is. Next to him, Jeno sighs happily. Jaemin grins and looks just as lovesick as Jeno does. Donghyuck wonders if that's how he looked when he was facetiming Mark. He hopes not. They look stupid.

"We miss you," Jeno says, interrupting Renjun mid-sentence, for which Donghyuck is half grateful. Renjun blushes.

"Aw, I miss you too babe." Renjun blew them a kiss through the camera.

"Hey!" Jaemin squawks. "What about me?" He puts on a particularly convincing pout. Renjun giggles and blows him a kiss too.

"You too, darling," Renjun says, before flushing. "Sorry for getting carried away there," he says. "There's just so much cool stuff at the lab." Donghyuck opens his mouth to tell him it's fine but Jaemin beats him.

"You're too cute," Jaemin says. Renjun sputters, before composing himself again.

"Well," he says, sitting upright. "It's getting sorta late here." He waves. "It was really nice catching up with you Donghyuck!"

"You too," Donghyuck says. Around him, Jeno and Jaemin echo variations of "Goodbye" and "I love you's." It makes Donghyuck feel sick. It makes him think of Mark. On the walk home, Donghyuck stuffs his hands into his pockets with such ferocity it feels like cloth is scraping his hands raw and wills himself not to cry. The cold wind whips at face, stinging his cheeks and reminding him more than ever that humans are so easily breakable.

V.

Four years in, they lose contact with the spaceship. It makes national news. People flock to the headquarters, demanding answers, reasons, shouting pleas and begging them for something to hope for. The faces of the security guards at the gate are stoic, and betray nothing. Donghyuck is one of those people, the masses of relatives, friends, lovers, at the gate. He stays towards the back of the crowd, not wanting to draw attention to himself. Besides, there were plenty of other people doing plenty of shouting themselves. He's sure that SM Labs got the message.

VI.

SM sends out someone in lab coat with a megaphone to speak to the crowd. He says his name is Taeil, and he's a researcher for SM Labs. The crowd silences at his appearance. But it's an anxious type of silence. It's almost like the silence is alive. There's nothing calming about the eerie quietness that blankets them all, as they wait for this Taeil to give his statement.

"I know you are distraught," Taeil begins. "But this is not a reason for panic." Someone nearby Donghyuck mutters 'bullshit,' and Donghyuck finds himself agreeing. "There are many reasons for as to why the ship cannot be reached, and not all of them are bad. For now, please return to your homes and we will be in contact with you shortly with more information."

Grumbles are heard from the crowd, but they comply. As he's leaving, Donghyuck catches eye contact with Taeil who shoots him a small smile. Donghyuck looks away.

VII.

This is his fault, he thinks. He should've thrown out that damn pamphlet.

That's not true though. He never could've stopped Mark. If it wasn't SM Labs, it would've been YG Aeronautics, or even fucking Cube Space Research. There are always more space programs, with more slots. Mark would've asked, one day. If not today than tomorrow, or in a week, a year, two years, a decade. It would've happened, he tells himself. It's inevitable. Like the sun eclipsing the moon.

It's not a good feeling, knowing that something horrible was going to happen but being unable to do anything to prevent it. So Donghyuck goes outside on the balcony that night, and stares up at the night sky, like Mark had done so many nights before—, well, just before.

Bring him back please, he thinks. Please. The sky does not respond, but the stars shine bright.

VIII.

Weeks later, SM Labs calls everyone back to the station, announcing that the spacecraft has entered Earth's atmosphere and will land soon. They haven't had any more success with communicating past one message sent out, commanding the ship to return to Earth. Nobody knows who is still on the ship, or who isn't. The lack of knowledge worries Donghyuck, but there's nothing he can do now but wait. It's not as if he could fly up there, barge on the ship, and ask where Mark is. No matter how badly he wants to do _something_, there is nothing to do.

SM Labs kept trying to pass off the broken communications as a faulty mishap, nothing more, but Donghyuck knows better. Not to praise them, but SM Labs make some of the finest ships. Donghyuck knows, from all those hours spent reading up on them that their ships, and he quotes, "rarely have malfunctions except for times when the ship undergoes extreme duress." Extreme duress.

Something must've happened up there. And SM Labs is trying to cover it up for their image.

IX.

When the ship lands, it's half the size it was that Donghyuck remembered it, from when he watched it fly up up and out of sight. The ship's door opens and four people Donghyuck doesn't recognize walk out. There were ten people sent on the mission. People around him start crying and shouting, as they realize who they're waiting for isn't going to come out. Donghyuck does neither. He stares at the door numbly. _Mark is not one of the people who came back._

One of the first people off the ship is a pretty man with pink hair. Donghyuck wonders if he had brought pink hair dye with him up there. It's a wonder it still remained vibrantly pink, with not even a hint of roots growing in. It's messy after him taking off the helmet, but after running his hand through it a few times it magically straightens out. Donghyuck envies him for that. He doesn't recognize the man at first, but he realizes who he is after he introduces himself. Mark talked about him a lot. He admired him strongly.

"I'm Taeyong," Taeyong says, his tone warm. "You must be Donghyuck."

"I am," he says.

Taeyong smiles thinly. "Mark talked about you a lot. He, uh, carried a photo in his suit. Of you." The past tense does not slip by Donghyuck. "Part of the ship caught fire, and it broke off," Taeyong says, his face sympathetic. "I'm sorry," he says. Donghyuck breaks down and cries.

X.

Donghyuck attends the large funeral held for Mark and six of the other people who were on the half of the ship that split off. There are many people there he doesn't recognize. Friends, family, all tears and sadness. The air is thick with it. It's stifling. More so than the tie around his throat, or the ever present void inside him.

Jeno gave a speech. It was touching. Full of little details about Mark and happy moments they shared, starting from college and going to present day, or as present as you could get before Mark left. When asked to speak, Donghyuck declined to.

XI.

The reception afterwards was awkward, to say the least. He was grateful at Jeno and Jaemin were there with him, otherwise he might've not survived. Jaemin told him that Renjun wished he could be there for him, but there were no train tickets available in time. Donghyuck just nodded numbly, not truly absorbing any of the information.

The other attendants of the funeral would come up to him, as if they were long lost best friends or something, clutch his arm, and say that they were sorry for his loss. That they knew what he was going through, and ask if they wanted to exchanged numbers. Sometimes they'd cry on his shoulder, and Donghyuck would let them. He'd pass them a napkin from a nearby table and say, I'm sorry. Because he felt nothing. He couldn't even muster up the will or cry. It scared him, a bit. The void. Had it already swallowed him whole? Was he still Donghyuck, if he felt nothing?

  
XII.

Taeyong approaches him at the reception, looking stiff and defeated. His eyes are red, as if he'd been crying, but his posture is nothing less than composed. Donghyuck reminds himself that Taeyong knew those other people up there better than Donghyuck did. Donghyuck only knew Mark, only really cared about Mark. He lost one person. Taeyong lost six.

"Donghyuck," Taeyong calls softly, as if by saying his name he was afraid that Donghyuck would shatter. "This," he says, fishing around in his suit pocket. "Is for you." He presents him with a small polaroid photo, weathered and tattered around the edges. Heavy creases grid the entire photo, the lines almost ripping it into separate pieces. Folded, it would be tiny, no bigger than a paperclip almost. Small enough to fit in the pocket of a space suit, Donghyuck supposes.

There's a stray pencil mark through the middle of it, running a dark line right between the picture versions of Donghyuck and Mark. It's a photo of them from college, on one of their dates to the travelling carnival. There was a photo booth there, and Donghyuck had begged Mark to let them go in. Donghyuck made the two of them try on a litany of ridiculous filters and outfits, but in the end Mark only kept the simplest one. No glasses, no hats, no filter. Just the two of them, arms around each other, and matching peace signs up.

"He," Taeyong swallows heavily. "He gave me this. Before he—before he ran off. He told me to find you, if—if you know."

Donghyuck's heart sinks. "Ran off?" He repeats.

"You can't let anyone else know this," Taeyong says, lowering his voice. "But the ship was damaged from a hostile ship. The whole ship was burning, and we were all sure we were all going to die. But Mark—" Taeyong shakes his head, laughing sadly. "Said he had a plan. Ran back, somehow split the ship in two, and gave us enough time to get away."

"He was a hero," Taeyong says, holding out the polaroid. Donghyuck's eyes sting as he took the photo, muttering out a thank you. He didn't want a hero. He'd rather have the Mark that made mistakes and didn't care afterwards.

XIII.

Heroes end up dead. You see it in every action movie ever. Heroes die, and they leave their loved ones behind to deal with it. They go off on fantastical adventures to save the world, and then sacrifice themselves in order to. The only ones that come back are the superpowered. And there's no such thing as superheroes in real life.

Mark often described himself as a bad person. As someone who made too many mistakes. As someone who didn't care enough about other people. _If only_, he thought bitterly. Donghyuck wished Mark was the horrible person he sometimes thought himself as. If he was, he would've left those people to die and saved himself instead.

XIV.

There will be no rescue mission, SM Labs had said, because there will be nothing to rescue. They say that it would have been impossible for anyone to survive the wreckage past a few hours. The half of the ship that broke off would've had no oxygen, no food, no water, no... Nothing. Even if they could've sealed it off the way the front half did, the engines were all on the other half. There would've been no way for them to propel themselves forward enough to get back home. The suits only have enough oxygen for a few hours before they run out. They weren't made to be worn past four hours length.

People had asked about retrieving the bodies, and SM Labs responded by saying it would be a "waste of resources."

So there were no bodies at the funeral. Only empty caskets and hearts.

XV.

A week later Donghyuck receives a text from Renjun. It reads:

_I'm sorry. I'm in town, do you want to meet up?_

Donghyuck turns off his phone and doesn't respond.

XVI.

Donghyuck thinks about Mark. Thinks about what it must've been up there, slowly dying and surrounded by the dying or dead bodies of your coworkers. He shivers at the thought. Did he die in pain? He must've, it must've hurt. There's no way it couldn't have. Donghyuck wonders if he screamed, if he cried for help. If he thought of Donghyuck in his last moments, who he's left behind now.

Not that it matters anyways. Sound doesn't travel in space.

XVII.

Donghyuck sleeps with the nightstand lamp on now. Call him crazy, but he's afraid that the darkness of the night will get him. At night, he's laid awake many times shivering, not from the cold, but from the night sky. The sheer darkness of their (not theirs anymore, Donghyuck's) apartment got to him. It felt like it swallowed him whole, and seeped into every pore. After all, that's what happened to Mark. The spaceship split in two, and the black of the night sky swallowed him whole.

So the lamp is always turned on now.

XVIII.

He wonders what Mark saw out there. What was so alluring about the empty blackness dotted with light that he chose it over Donghyuck? Over his life on Earth?

XIX.

More often than not, he dreams of Mark. Sometimes happy, sometimes horrible. He dreams of Mark and him, older and with children. He'll be looking from outside the apartment, like Donghyuck is a ghost watching their lives. He'll watch himself pick up a little girl and spin her around while she shrieks and giggles. And then Mark will pop out of the dining room and call Donghyuck's name, and other-Donghyuck will turn around, press a kiss to the forehead of their daughter and go over to Mark. Mark would wrap his arms around him, and whisper something in his ear. Other-Donghyuck would laugh and playfully push Mark, before running off into another room of the apartment.

Those dreams make Donghyuck sadder than the nightmares do. It's the promise of a life he'll never get to live anymore.

XX.

The nightmares are in a way, easier. They're the truth, but just twisted and made darker with Donghyuck's own imagination. Often they constitute of seeing Mark dying in space and Donghyuck being unable to do anything but watch, as Mark struggled for breath that wouldn't come. As he would gasp and writhe and even look towards where dream-Donghyuck was, and as he would take his last shuddering breath before going still, floating lifelessly among the wreckage and carnage.

Other times, it's Mark coming home somehow, but he has forgotten Donghyuck. When Donghyuck goes to greet him he turns him away, and goes off with the other scientists who were on the other half. Sometimes he comes back with alien friends. This is more, outlandish and almost ridiculous. The thought of Mark hooking up with some alien girl or boy. But it still stings, even in dreams, to think or _see _Mark leaning over to tenderly kiss another person. Someone who isn't Donghyuck. Or sometimes, Mark survives but he doesn't return to Earth. To Donghyuck. Instead he flies away in a spacecraft off to another planet. He falls in love with someone there, and starts anew, like he always thought of.

It makes him wonder. If he somehow survived, would he come back?

XXI.

Donghyuck gets drunk one day. He raids the hardly used wine portion of the fridge and drinks a whole bottle in one sitting. And then makes his way halfway through another before thinking it's a great idea to stumble up to the rooftop of their apartment building. Honestly, it's a wonder he didn't fall off it in his drunken stupor. Donghyuck barely remembers his reasoning as to why he wanted to, but it probably had to do something with wanting to shout at the sky like a madman for taking Mark from him. All he remembers is this:

"Fuck you!" he screamed, throwing the glass at the ground. It shattered into a million pieces, scattering across the rooftop. Donghyuck sniffled and sank down to the floor. "It's not fair," he mumbled, rubbing at his already red eyes. "It's not fair," he repeated.

And then something large passed in front of the moon, blotting out the bright light. Donghyuck had squinted and scrambled to his feet. It was a little early in the drinking stages for hallucination, but hey, anything was possible. As the dark blob came closer, he determined it was some kind of ship. Or it could've been a strangely shaped meteor coming to obliterate Donghyuck out of existence, but from the way it was moving he was more leaning towards the "ship" theory. It was shaped unlike any human ship Donghyuck has ever seen, unless it's some secret government ship but he highly doubted that. So that leaves only one possibility. Aliens.

Donghyuck just stares at it, not believing his eyes. He wants to laugh hysterically, or cry maybe. All those years Mark spent wishing for aliens and only after he's gone does Donghyuck, not Mark, get to see them?

XXII.

A green light emits from the ship spinning into a circle, before Donghyuck assumes what is the door lowers, leaking out blindingly bright light onto the roof. It hurts to look at, so Donghyuck uses both of his hands as a sort of makeshift sunglasses to peer through.

The thing that comes through is humanoid, to Donghyuck's surprise. The, _thing_ is wearing something akin to what astronauts would wear. A space suit of sorts, except more complicated and foreign and completely unlike any human space suit. So, definitely an alien.

The alien takes a few steps off the ship towards Donghyuck. It reaches up and fumbles with a button on its neck. Donghyuck watches as it presses it, emitting a small popping sound as the helmet released. The helmet was completely blacked out, not revealing any details of what this alien looked like to Donghyuck, but evidently allowing the creature to see outwards. It didn't matter anyways, as Donghyuck had a feeling he was about to find out what aliens looked like. The alien reached up to lift off the helmet, revealing a swoop of dark brown hair and—

_Mark?_

"Mark?" Donghyuck tries. It could be a trick. Donghyuck's seen many, many alien movies with Mark. Shapeshifting is not something he'd put beyond aliens. Or the fact that Donghyuck may or may not be hallucinating currently.

"Donghyuck," The 'Mark' breathes and rushes towards him. Donghyuck holds up his hands, stopping him before he reached him.

"How do I know you're you?" He asks. 'Mark' stares at him, and laughs. It sure sounds like Mark's laugh. And oh, how Donghyuck missed the sound of his voice, his laugh his... Everything. "I've seen a lot of alien movies—"  
"Oh my god," The 'Mark' says, clutching his head. "Really?"

Donghyuck stares at the 'Mark.' "Yes," he says. "How do I know you're real?" _Or if this is all just a wine induced hallucination?_ Maybe he was hallucinating. That seems more probable than Mark himself coming home in a goddamned alien spacecraft.

"Alright, alright," 'Mark' backs away from Donghyuck, holding up a hand in thought. "You want me to tell you something only the 'real me' would know, right?" Donghyuck nods, not trusting his voice. God, would it be so easy to give in and let 'Mark' rush over to him and take him in his arms. Maybe it'd even smell like Mark. Act like Mark. And Donghyuck could go back to living his life with this 'Mark' in place. Maybe it'd make Donghyuck quite happy, being with this thing. But could he? Just close his eyes and turn the other way, knowing it was a half lie? Donghyuck needs to know. For sure.

"Did Taeyong give you the polaroid?" 'Mark' asks. Donghyuck nods his head. "Well there you go. Now—"

"Too easy, anyone could know that," Donghyuck says. 'Mark' sighs, exasperated.

"Hyuck please, I just want to—"

"Tell me," Donghyuck grits out, sniffling harder now. A hot tear slides down his face, leaving wet tracks in its trail. "Something only you would know."

"The night I told you about my past," Mark begins, slowly. "After we finished talking in the bathroom we went to your room. You let me sleep over because I was crying and honestly just a mess and you felt bad for me. And then after you thought I fell asleep, you crawled over and held me in your arms. I—I didn't say anything because it was... Nice." Nice. That's how Mark Lee described Donghyuck crawling over to cuddle him when he thought he was asleep like some kind of creep. Donghyuck could only stare at him as he continued speaking. "And then you told me you loved me." His voice grew quieter until upon the word "loved" it was barely more than a whisper. Almost like he was afraid to say it out loud. Like it was a precious memory that would dissolve into the air if spoken.

"Oh my god," Donghyuck says, legs shaking. Two things were running through his mind. One was: _he heard that???_ And the other was. _Mark Lee is alive._

"Donghyuck?" Mark says, approaching him cautiously. "May I—"

"Yes, yes, yes," Donghyuck sobs. "Please." At his word Mark walks towards him, and kneels to be level with him, folding into a sit. He reaches out a hand, palm facing up. Donghyuck places his hand on Mark's and interlaces their fingers. Mark chuckles and takes the both of their hands in his other hand.

"On the planet where I was staying," he says, flipping Donghyuck's hand over so that his palm was also facing up. "This is how they said 'I love you.'"

Mark traces a pattern on his hand, like the way little kids would during a game. Donghyuck watches him draw a series of swirls and lines, all invisible to the eye. It tickles. Mark stops drawing to pull out a fine dust from a pocket on his suit.

"Close your eyes," Mark murmurs, and Donghyuck obeys, shutting his eyes. He hears Mark blowing the dust on their hands. He feels a slight tingle on his palm, as whatever alien dust Mark just put on him landed. "You can open them now."

His hand is glowing. The pattern that Mark had previously drawn had come to life. Each swirl each traced line was now glowing a bright color, lighting the two of their faces a myriad of soft pinks and blues.

"Wow," Donghyuck exhales, watching as the lines lift off his palm, curling upwards towards the sky, leaving small trails of colored dust in their wake. They looked a bit like neon colored ferns, but alien-dust-glow-in-the-dark version.

"You know," Mark says, softly. "They say the brighter the colors are the more the person loves you back."

"They do, huh?" Donghyuck says. He glances at their hands. Donghyuck can see a bit of what feels like every color possibly imaginable, but somehow they intermix into something beautiful. The most prominent colors are the pinks and blues. Those lines are the ones that are moving, the other colors sit there, not totally still, as if Donghyuck concentrates he can see and even _feel_ them buzzing slightly. It's always in motion, but only under the illusion of being still.

"What do the different colors mean?" Donghyuck asks.

"Erm," Mark stares at their hands. "I didn't get to that part," he admits, looking sheepish. Mark's other hand reaches up to rub at the back of his neck. Even after all these years he still does that when embarrassed. Donghyuck was simultaneously surprised and pleased.

"What?"

"Look, I was a bit preoccupied with how I was getting back to Earth. Love lessons on Xanarthi culture didn't seem like a priority at the time."

Donghyuck laughs. A real one. Alongside him, Mark chuckles too. And then they're both giggling like drunken idiots sitting on a rooftop at 2 AM. Donghyuck doesn't even know why he's laughing anymore and Mark probably doesn't either. Maybe it's the hilarity of the situation, or maybe they're both slightly losing it. But at some point, the alien dust starts to fade in color, darkening until it's nothing more than an ashy grey that's being blown away by the wind. Mark and Donghyuck watch as it's swept away by the wind, their laughter dying down with it. Mark doesn't remove his hand, so Donghyuck takes the opportunity to lace their hands together. The old fashioned Earth way.

"You came back," Donghyuck whispers.

Mark looks confused. "Of course," he answers. "I promised, didn't I?"

A tear slips down Donghyuck's face. "I—I thought you were dead," he manages out, throat choking up. "I—" Mark wraps him in a hug, as Donghyuck cries on his shoulder. Above them the night sky watches, the moon shining brightly.

XXIII.

"I thought you were dead, you asshole," Donghyuck hits Mark's shoulder. Mark rubs at the spot where Donghyuck hit.

"Alien technology isn't exactly compatible with Earthen communications systems," Mark says, apologetic.

Donghyuck rolls over onto his stomach. "So, you did meet aliens?"

Mark grins. "Yes," he says. "I... They're nothing like I expected." There's something different about him, Donghyuck notes. He's less... exuberant somehow. More mature. He carries himself different. Maybe it was the years spent in space, maybe it was the aliens. Donghyuck supposes it's only natural; to change after a few years. But nonetheless he feels slighted. Somehow he had expected everything to remain exactly the same after Mark returned.

That's unfair though. Donghyuck himself has changed too. "You're legally dead," Donghyuck reminds him. Beside him, Mark sighs.

"Yeah, we can fix that tomorrow," he says, moving over to switch off the nightstand lamp.

"Tomorrow?" Donghyuck says.

"Tomorrow."

Mark switches off the lamp, swathing them in darkness. Except it doesn't feel oppressive, or trapping anymore. It's freeing. And that night Donghyuck dreams of what it'd be like to fly free amongst the stars.

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a kudo/comment if u enjoyed!
> 
> also lmk if u'd be interested in a continuation of this "series" featuring mark's pov also jaeyong spinoff in this same universe?
> 
> edit: while i was writing the ""jaeyong"" part.. taeyong said fuck jaehyun and kicked him off so now it's dotae, sorry not sorry?
> 
> find me elsewhere:  
twitter: [@floweryongs](https://twitter.com/floweryongs)  
tumblr: [@leetaeyong](https://leetaeyong.tumblr.com)  
curiouscat: [@floweryong](https://curiouscat.me/floweryong)


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